Nothing Feels Good.

I’m channeling my inner Emo-Kid.

My world has sort of been rotating out of control. Which means I’m rotating out of control.

Details of which are a mix of “I don’t know why I feel this way” and things I don’t want to really divulge at this juncture. But suffice to say, I pretty much want to wrap up in a ball and cry for awhile.

I told you I was being emo.

So I’m “dealing” by closing myself off in my house and watching bad TV. This is in no means healthy for anyone. I’m, for the most part, a very optimistic person. Your very own Pollyanna as it were. So when I’m like this, I don’t feel like myself. I feel gross. The thought of people makes me anxious. Especially groups of people. And I’m torn between wanting to be held and being repulsed by the thought of anything touching me.

It reminds me of being seventeen and repeatedly heartbroken by the football player whom I crushed on all senior year. This has nothing to do with that kind of heartbreak, but I will deal with this sadness inside me the same way. I’m going to put on The Promise Ring. Listen to Nothing Feels Good over and over and over again. Hoping to somehow lift my heavy heart enough to go see the people I care about tonight.

And I don’t know if anything at all will be all right.
I don’t know Billy Ocean and I don’t know the ocean floor.
I don’t own any albums, I don’t know anything.
I don’t go to college
Anymore.
…
And I don’t know if anything at all will be all right
I’ve got my hands on the one hand,
but I don’t know where to put them.

It’s a great album. You should buy it.